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mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Randomize
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