We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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