i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
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Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.