I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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