Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!