pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.