I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
