Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
