girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
