Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
