I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
