you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
