Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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