and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
