I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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