I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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