I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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