The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Acid is not a monday night drug
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
