I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
