Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
