So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
