Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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