If i come over, it means nothing
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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