Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
