i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
