there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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