You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
