So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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