my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
