you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
