the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
