Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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