i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
