At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
