You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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