Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
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These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
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my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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