whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I puked a lego.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
There are leaves in my underwear?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
