Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
