you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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