The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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