you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
