3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
