You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
