You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
