everyone is single if you try hard enough
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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