You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
