just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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