How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
