1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
