So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
the raccoons are back...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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