found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
ok first of all what the fuck
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
