I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
how drunk are you?
Several
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
