Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you had me at cake vodka
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
