Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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