it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
