Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The adults are the big ones right?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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