hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
