Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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