it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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