Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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