i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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