like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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