Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
