don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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