I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
