how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
