Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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