I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
