And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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