he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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