can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
